it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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