I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
