fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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