Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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