I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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