rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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