So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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