Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
