some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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