i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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