I need to stop coming to work sober
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
