I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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