I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
