at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
