onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how drunk are you?
Several
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize