I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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