OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
