Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
