I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
