Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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