i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
