So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
