And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
