I cannot find my penis.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
