it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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