why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
