Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize