I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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