I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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