I just saw a hot homeless man
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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