so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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