better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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