Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
