white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
