The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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