My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize