I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize