Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
