every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We got so high we made milksteak
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
