I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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