Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
