he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
