was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't tell me you're on acid again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
