Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
