Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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