i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just gargled with NyQuil
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
