Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
