nut hugger
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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