franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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