My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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