Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
