i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This baby is an asshole
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
