So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
