I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
