just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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