i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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