apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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