This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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