The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
