your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
