I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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