he was CRYING into my vagina
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
