You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
