she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
