I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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