I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
third nipple confirmed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
