Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
