id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
