My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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