Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
