We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
