I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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