That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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